Dividing 81 Points Just as Expected with the Buffalo Bills
That's one way to get one more.
The ending everyone predicted was so boring. Can’t we get a game with some twists? The Buffalo Bills pulled off an oh so typical fourth-quarter comeback to win 41-40. To be fair, that’s never happened before ever. I hated to wake up the Scorigami guy but felt an unexpected alarm was justified.
The result is real but I still don’t believe it. Wacky is rarely used to describe NFL games. It works in this case. Memorable may not be a compliment. The game of the year shouldn’t feature that many screwups.
We demand Matt Prater jerseys. I’m jealous of his first seven teams if he’s always been as chill under pressure as he was for his eighth. A player born during Ronald Reagan’s first term whose time with his new employer is best expressed in hours made dashing onto the field for a winning kick look natural.
Can the new kicker tackle? Prater can have a job playing other positions if he’s up for it. The star most fans didn’t know by name at kickoff might have gotten a bit of help from his new teammates, including that one quarterback. Josh Allen wasn’t the only one thriving even if it sometimes seemed that way. Ed Oliver notably played out of his mind, which means anticipating he’ll play within it for the next three. The only thing less likely than consistency from their mercurial defensive tackle is another triumph like that, so embrace them while they’re current.
Wondering how Baltimore could’ve screwed that up feels eerily familiar. Finding a uniquely agonizing way to lose spurs traumatic memories in Bills fans. Even wins are accompanied by twitching about scenarios involving being unnervingly close to landing on the other side.
The Ravens found a way in the worst way. They improbably feel short in a brutal method traditionally associated with their opponent. You can still be empathetic while not wanting to imagine what it feels like in order to identify with a struggling party. We already know.
The quarterback needs to score 11 or 12 points per possession. I’m as much of an Allen enthusiast as anyone but still think two scores at once might be asking too much. Josh isn’t Jesus, who only got betrayed by one apostle.
The Sunday night opener offered a reminder of what MVP means. Frequently great play from Ravens running backs and defenders is why Josh won over Lamar Jackson: when last year’s rightful winner wins games, it’s without as much help.
Allen looked like he was on a mission. He may have reverted to starting games too hyped up, which is something he’s addressed before and is a good problem to have. The player with the most rushing touchdowns in Bills history is their best ever running back, too.
It’s tough to accumulate 112 yards and still be disappointing. Keon Coleman pulled off a miracle in his way. His employer spent all offseason claiming he could catch only for him to negate the public relations push on his first target. He’s the sort of ironically unique player who can catch a ball and still screw up, as seen when he didn’t realize where the end zone ends. Turning back into a pumpkin on the two-point try is Coleman’s signature play.
Getting praise for basic competence after finally doing what he’s paid for is a low bar that he wouldn’t hop over. Coleman has emerged as a C.J. Spiller-type player who can put up good numbers and make occasional impressive plays while still seeming underwhelming.
Lamar is lucky he didn’t have to saw his trophy in half. He still gets visitation rights. Having a receiver like Zay Flowers makes the person throwing to him less valuable to his team, which as a reminder is the award’s criteria. Ravens fans in attendance chanting “MVP!” after DeAndre Hopkins made a video game reception don’t realize they were making the case against their quarterback. The Ravens have reliable catchers. The Bills have Ty Johnson.
Derrick Henry didn’t seem to hear about the Bills drafting all those defensive players or keeping their defensive coach. Maybe his foe was anticipating one huge error the whole time. That was quite a setup.
Getting worthwhile safeties is on my offseason wish list. Unfortunately, it’s after Labor Day. An absolute mess would be an upgrade. The secondary’s purported border looks like a disheveled preseason unit of marginal pros who are still getting organized. But they just played a game that counted. The defense should be carefully crafted like Buster Keaton’s stunts. Instead, they look like they’re engaging in slapstick without a plan.
Not every acquisition is an addition. Fans commonly worry about Joey Bosa getting hurt when it’s his healthy play that’s a concern. He’s going to be injured getting juked out of his cleats while misdiagnosing a zone read.
It’s not like the Bills have gotten cocky like emailing about Super Bowl ticket packages unless they have. Brandon Beane is sure arrogant for someone who got quarterback right and has a much lower percentage at every other position.
Public shame seems harsh until it comes to embarrassing those who had the chance to see the Bills get to 41. Alleged fans who left what became a rather wild win should never be allowed to forget their great shame. If you have to work the next day, quit.
Giving up on their team to beat traffic like Orchard Park is in Los Angeles County sadly wasn’t the worst example of fan behavior. We’re trying to fight stereotypes. Then a Bills fan shoves Lamar Jackson. The contemptible Deion Sanders-style tackler is supposedly banned indefinitely from NFL stadiums, and I’d like to add he’s also banned from my couch. Whoever threw a water bottle at Henry tried to help his fellow scumbag in the opposite end zone corner by sinking even lower. Don’t forget to drink 19 beers in the parking lot before jumping through a table.
Many games this season will revolve around whether that one quarterback is going to get any help. A defensive coach doesn’t help Allen or the defense, but I’m sure that won’t be an issue going forward.
The most improbable win turns into a loss if the Bills think they don’t have ample shortcomings to address. They’ll get struck by lightning on the way to redeem the winning Powerball ticket before winning like that again.
A defining win may not be comforting. The rest of the season is unlikely to be full of improbable wins despite themselves. Fans of the only AFC East team that won its opener appreciate a comeback even if it wasn’t stirring in the traditional sense. The opening win was memorable in the same sense “May you live in interesting times” is an unexpected curse. The best way to affect an alleged voodoo hex is to realize which of your own actions hold you back.