Elect This

I vote to start over.

It’s all over.  Plus, results are in. The electoral college grading failed.  I thought so Monday.  True professionals didn’t need to wait and discover which messianic twit got however many suckers supporting them.  This was not the election for me.

Grover Cleveland wept.  The last person who deserves to be president gets to be president twice.  The lesson of the least welcome reboot is about never learning lessons.

Image is all that matters for the alleged fearless savior.  We’ve been over this for a few elections and decades.  Cassandra got tired or repeating the same ignored warning.  Donald Trump thinks that’s a porn star.

The obsession with looking like a winner has been indulged again, so forget teaching humility.  The pending president gets to continue pretending he embodies winning in the only possible way, namely by besting someone who was disagreeable and incoherent even for a Democrat.

It takes great vision to compete with an inflation specialist who didn’t appear to know English.  America missed an opportunity to increase diversity by electing someone who can’t speak.  Kamala Harris searches for the words to put her loss into perspective, or any words at all.

Trump once again proved how unbeatable he is by facing someone with Barack Obama’s pinko policies minus the charisma to sell them.  Oh, and he’ll always be the one who lost to Joe Biden if you’d like to mock him during peak arrogance.

The biggest loss is pettiest person getting to gloat.  Oh, and there’ll be the damage to the country that’s about to become even more of a deadbeat while continuing to not have a wall along the border known for welcoming trespassers.  Political scientists also remind everyone to factor in the added false security of pretending one’s getting built.  But decline will feel patriotic.

We already knew.  My research indicates Trump has already been president on top of being a regrettably prominent person for some time.  Maintaining the same view is for those whose principles remain even as a party which once at least made a show of standing for limited government brings back the cargo cult.

Liberals should be happy about the triumph of the tariff-loving big spender who never finished his property line construction project and vowed to keep entitlements in place.  A win is a loss if it means crummy notions are on the platform, especially from the party that theoretically occasionally resists them.  Another woeful try from the alleged alternative to conventional politics won’t stop insufferable smirking from people with so little sense that they thought this election could have a pleasant outcome.

It doesn’t take a soothsayer to forecast how the second try will go.  Just check Facebook Memories from eight years ago.  We already know what voting like this means.  There should be no more arguing about figurative possibilities.  Of course, another season of The Apprentice won’t stop ceaseless bickering about hypotheticals.  I’m sure the contestant challenges will differ this time.

We just sort of stumbled into a historical phase.  The election was a romantic comedy where a series of misunderstandings leads to finding the unlikeliest partner.  Nobody feels romanced.  And movies always end when the real work of a relationship begins.  Obtaining more electoral votes should only be the start.  The winner’s faction should be the one most eager to hold their side accountable.  But they don’t want to be branded disloyal.  Our politics somehow become more factional.

Seeking less intrusion our lives is out of fashion in the advanced 2020s.  The problem is politicians keeps seeking us.  A stalker that won’t get the hint was bound to win.  Republicans now tell markets what they should decide.

There’s bad news for those who just want to be left alone.  It was pending regardless of tally, so at least there’s been time to brace.  The wish to not be bothered in an allegedly free country is asking too much.  Pretending one party is interested in letting everyone be is even less plausible today, so at least we’ve dispensed with the illusion.  Conservatism is in fine shape if it means maintaining the forced negative return retirement scheme, condemning fighting terrorism as endless war, and calling processed food poison.

One can’t be disappointed if one expects developments so diabolical that Satan wonders if they’ve gone too far.  Dreadful people replacing same has become the default setting.  The only possible worthwhile scenario a cycle from now would be if the pending pushy executive ticked off the nation enough that it led to nominating someone who couldn’t be bothered to bother us.  But the precedent would be established, not met.

The loser is 2028.  We’ll be waiting at least another presidency for a grownup.  And we’re on track for another hissy hair-pulling bout, anyway.  Existence is graciously teaching us to be patient while enduring suffering that seems endless.  Modern political parties fail to help, at least not in the way they think.  An election whose sole benefit is teaching that life presents challenges has so far failed to inspire.

Don’t select someone appalling.  That seems like obvious advice.  Yet neither of those two parties takes it.  The disregarded notion applies to both sides, and it’s nice to maintain something bipartisan.

The days after the election are a good time for perspective, which is something people say in an attempt to comfort themselves when conditions are even more rotten than usual.  There are always positive things to take away from even the most unfortunate situations, like how an asteroid landing on your house means more outside time.  Despondent recipients of election scores should focus on an awful human losing to distract from awful one winning.  Sure, that only evens out even in the most optimistic sense.  But a marginal upside is the best hope: this is life we’re discussing.

Explaining the difference between winning and whether it’s good is pointless for Trump zealots who endured an empty term and begged for more.  We have not been saved from anything except a different kind of dire presidency.  But at least debt won’t decrease.  The best businessman ever already showed he’s uninterested in balancing books that aren’t Think Big and Kick Ass.  He already held this job, remember?  That somewhat important detail would’ve been helpful to retain.